Friday, November 14, 2014



it was not at all

what I expected. nothing
really changed.
not then.

later, however –
later it was all

different. later,
there was recognition
of loss. the violence
of assumption
lost. something
we both took
from each other.

yours was the better bargain.


at that moment
all i felt was surprise.
that you didn’t stop
wouldn’t stop
when I asked, stop

i carried all that
for years,
the weight
of that exchange
growing larger.
then forgotten.
or ignored.


i recognize the weight
of chains, what burdens
i carried forward.

i remember how sharp
the hook, how deeply
buried, sweetly disbursed.

this is how we share
and in this sharing

i carry it away.

all that waiting.


ah, cavafy.
i must admit
to not liking you
too much --
all those feelings,
all that feeling
about feeling,
all that broad stroke talk
about Beauty.

beauty you say, and
i hear desire. no.
not desire: appetite. 

oh, cavafy.
such a consuming eye –
roving over all that young flesh;
the architecture of longing,
your Platonic lust,
the dust of loss covers
the furniture, the room
empty, the windows empty,
the cupboards bare.

no wonder this dance
tired you, the image
of an ideal lover looming
in your imagination,
held perfectly still
by memory,
pored over,
your heart
poured out
with nothing
to hold it.


that magpie
chirp of squirrel

leaves rustling
my thoughts

this quiet moment